Fell Asleep On The Toilet Again

[verse 1]
The life of a working dad
Can get crazy and busy
Gotta shift my priorities
Sometimes it makes me dizzy
I seldom have peace
My family needs my assistance
Don't matter if I'm home
Or I'm away long distance
There's only one place I can breathe
Where nothing can spoil it
It's my personal man cave
And that place is the toilet

[chorus]
I go on my phone
Scroll emails and postings
But in a couple of minutes
Big Daddy is dozing
Fell asleep on the toilet again,
This is my happy place of Zen,
I take all my clothes off,
And soon i will doze off,
Daddy's asleep on the toilet again.

[verse 2]
We have a few bathrooms
So don't you dare shame me!
I work all kinds of shifts,
Can you really blame me?
The seat is so comfortable,
The exhaust vents hypnotic,
Don't need no sleeping pills,
This throne's my narcotic.
I look like that sculpture
They call it "The Thinker"
I hope the icy flushed water
Doesn't splash my poor sphincter!

[chorus]
I go on my phone
Scroll emails and postings
But in a couple of minutes
Big Daddy is dozing
Fell asleep on the toilet again,
This is my happy place of Zen,
I take all my clothes off,
And soon i will doze off,
Daddy's asleep on the toilet again.

[bridge]
My kids come A-knocking,
They seem so disgusted.
My butts in the cookie jar
I'm totally busted.
They ruined my dream
It seemed so vivid.
They rat me out to my wife,
Man she's gonna be livid!
I was gonna come out
I just didn't know when.
Time to pay the piper,
Asleep on the toilet again!!

[verse 3]
Rich guys play golf,
While others like to read,
There are those who do yoga
Or smoke tons of weed.
I prefer the simplicity
Of the John or the "Shitter"
Where i can doomscroll
And peruse my Twitter.
A much needed pitstop,
I need decompressing,
My privy of peacefulness,
Is truly a blessing

[chorus]

I'm gonna fall asleep on the toilet again.
(Bring it on!)
Gonna fall asleep on the toilet again.
(Like a hybernating bear)
Fall asleep on the toilet again.
(Don't be a hater!)
Asleep on the toilet again